The crossover of ludicrous proportions
by Raptorshogun
Summary: Pokemon bashing, Barney bashing, Britney bashing, NSYNC bashing, Mary-Sue bashing. Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Calvin and Hobbes. Flames will be used to cook the flamer over a spit.


A/N: WARNING: You are about to read a completely pointless and confusing story by an insane and sleep-deprived author. Serious brain rot may occur. If you like Britney Spears, NSYNC, Backstreet boys, Pokemon, or Barney, don't read this.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Donkey Kong, Banjo- Kazooie, Harry Potter, etc. If I did, I'd be filthy rich and Bill Gates would clean my toilet.  
  
One day, Pikachu was playing on the railroad tracks with Misty, Ash, Brock, and Tracey. A magical train then came and squished them to death, followed by a magical steamroller and a marching band playing "Louie Louie". But that's beside the point. Inside that train, Harry and Ron were eating Bertie Bott's every flavor beans. Suddenly, Draco Malfoy and his lackeys, Crabbe and Goyle, came into their compartment.. "Give me that box of beans, Potter," Said Malfoy. Harry gave them the box and then drew a katana and lopped off Goyle's head. Crabbe and Malfoy hastily retreated, carrying the candy and Goyle's cadaver. "Bloody good show, Harry!" said Ron.  
  
Later, Draco barfed after eating a (BLEEP) flavored bean. And. Crabbe? He spontaneously exploded, showering everyone in the Slytherin compartment with blood and guts. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had a pretty good school year, since Indiana Jones kept on shooting people who annoyed them. Voldemort was nowhere to be found. That was because he was making a plan with Emperor Palpatine, Barney, Gruntilda, and King K.Rool. "I propose that we get all our forces together and kill Harry Potter and the other scumbags." said Voldemort. Everyone agreed to that.  
  
Soon the special island was teeming with storm troopers, death eaters, crocodile men, cute dinosaurs, and goblin things. They also made a super- duper plasma thingamajigger long range rapid-fire heat-seeking beam cannon. Coincidentally, NSYNC, the Backstreet Boys, and Britney Spears were flying over the island to a big concert and were toasted like marshmallows when the cannon test-fired.  
  
Indiana Jones was sitting in his living room with his TV on. Suddenly, he was beamed aboard the starship Enterprise. Then he was informed that he was on the wrong space ship, so he was transferred to the Millennium Falcon. Around him were Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Calvin, Hobbes, Donkey and Diddy Kong, Banjo, and Kazooie. They stood around for an hour before someone spoke. "What the hell am I doing here?" said Indy. "Oh, I can explain that, you were brought here because we thought you could help us." said Luke. "Will you pay us?" asked almost everyone. "We're flat broke, but Chewie here will restructure your face if you don't help." That pretty much settled the matter.  
  
"Millennium Falcon coming!!" yelled a storm trooper. "Prepare the super- duper plasma thingamajigger long range rapid-fire heat seeking beam cannon!"  
  
Han landed the Falcon right in the middle of the enemy troops, killing several hundred death eaters, including Lucius Malfoy and his friends. Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong got out their fruit shooting things, Indy got out his submachine gun and his pistol, Han and Chewie got out their blasters, Luke got out his lightsaber, and everyone else got their pick of the gunracks. Calvin shot a kritter in the head, Luke slashed a whole row of storm troopers into prime steaks, and Indy was emptying clip after clip of submachine gun rounds into the ranks of the cute brightly colored dinosaurs. Everyone else was doing pretty well, but the forces were pressing in on them. They needed reinforcements. Like magic, Yoda hovered above the battlefield. Yoda did a 15 foot jump into the air, while doing several somersaults and blocking blaster fire, and started slashing through anything that got in his way. And if that wasn't enough, James Bond ran over dinosaurs and goblin things and storm troopers with a souped-up corvette and shot up everything in his line of sight.  
  
A storm trooper, who had a 10-foot spear stuck through his chest (I have no idea why), stumbled into the room where the leaders were. "We're giving them our best, but we're getting massacred!" said the storm trooper, before dying and soiling the pretty carpet. The leaders, of course, armed themselves. Barney got his barney bag, K.Rool and Grunty got into robo-suits with all kinds of lasers and missiles and things. Voldemort got his wand, and Emperor Palpatine swallowed some "D" batteries.  
  
There was carnage on the battlefield. The body count for the villains was roughly 5646132341324564324343257000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000. The body count for the heroes was 0. (Except for James Bond's car, but that always gets totaled.) There were now 2 death eaters, 5 kritters, 3 goblin things, one barney-thing, and 10 storm troopers. Those were wiped out in a matter of milliseconds. The heroes cleared a path through the bodies until they found a door. The door in question was guarded by a block of wood. "B. Locker? I thought you weren't with K. Rool anymore." said Donkey. "Wrong. I still work for him, and I'm not letting you through." The momentary inconvenience was taken care of by James Bond's cigar that was really a grenade. The door opened.  
  
The villains were taken by surprise, letting Harry, Ron, and Hermione jump on Voldemort and beat the kim-shi out of him. They were instantly fried, knocked unconscious, and thrown into a wall by Emperor Palpatine. Banjo and Kazooie jumped onto Gruntilda firing their rapid-fire plasma rifles. Indiana Jones shot several hundred bloody holes in Barney. Score: Villains: 3 Heroes: 2. Luke sliced Palpatine into sushi. He was hit in the head by one of the metal arms of K. Rool's robo-thing. Banjo was grazed by a missile and threw Kazooie his gun before taking cover under his backpack. Donkey and Diddy were blowing robotic limbs off of K. Rool's robot and K. Rool couldn't retaliate, since his power cord had been cut by Luke's lightsaber. Yoda and James Bond were helping Kazooie with Gruntilda, and Indy was scrounging around in his coat for more clips. When he was successful, it was shot out of his hand by a stray laser bolt. "Damn!" Suddenly, Barney's corpse glowed strangely, and the bullet holes started closing up. Oh, and it was getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger. Giganto- Barney kicked James Bond out of his way. Indy was looking for the clip. Calvin and Hobbes were nowhere to be seen. Giant Barney whacked K. Rool's wrecked robot away with his tail, and the Kongs along with it. Heroes still standing: Kazooie, Yoda, Indiana Jones, Calvin, and Hobbes. Calvin appeared out of nowhere and jumped on Giant Barney's shoulders, firing plasma bolt after plasma bolt out of his pistol. Hobbes jumped on top of Barney too, but it wasn't doing any damage to speak of. Just then, a VERY pretty blond girl about Harry's age burst in and fried Barney's innards with a ball of fire from her wand. She made short work of Gruntilda, and came to where Harry, Ron, and Hermione were lying. She did a magic spell with that revived them. "What? Who are you?" asked Harry "Mary Sue." said Mary. Mary Sue had wavy blond hair down to her waist, beautiful violet eyes, blah blah blah blah. She had very tight clothing, and wore stiletto high heels. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed everyone in hearing range. Mary started chasing Harry around the room, ripping off random articles of clothing. "Harry! Come back! I love you!" "HELP!!!!!" Meanwhile, Indy found his last submachine gun clip, and immediately emptied it into Mary Sue's torso. "Harry, I *cough sputter* love you." Mary Sue said before dying. James Bond got up, somehow, and pulled a time bomb that looked like a wallet out of his jacket. "We should be leaving now." said James. They all managed to get out okay, including Luke, who was not in critical condition. They rushed to the Millennium Falcon and flew away as the island exploded and a curious mix of Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and James Bond music played.  
  
THE END  
  
A/N: Do you like this? Should I write a sequel? If you flame, then my legions of evil bunnies with chainsaws will come forth and chop you into hamburger! FEAR THE BUNNIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


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